Do we NEED couples counseling?
Easy answer: NO
No one “needs” counseling to survive. No one “needs” a third party to improve their marriage.
All you need is food, shelter, and water. The rest is a choice.
Alternatives to Couples/Relationship Counseling
1. Nothing
Yes, doing nothing is one option. Probably not a good idea if you are having difficulties, but it’s an option. Doing nothing means you’ve chosen to continue on the current path and accept the relationship as it is.
2. Hire a Couples Coach
Personally, not a fan, but it’s an option and some folks might find it to be beneficial. Coaches are not licensed or clinically trained (unless they offer coaching as a side gig to their therapy practice, but I would argue they are just doing therapy and wrapping it in a different package to avoid the licensure restrictions and obligations). Either way, a coach is an option other than formal therapy, and you can hope that the coach is able to remain objective, nonjudgmental, and has the skills to help you manage and improve your relationship.
3. Read Self-Help Books
If I had a nickel for every self-help book written on relationships, I’d have A LOT of nickels. There are so many options that it’s impossible to list them here, but you can essentially get a master’s level education in couples counseling simply by reading quality books on the subject. The big challenge is putting into practice what you’re learning. Here’s a few options:
There’s a lot of trash out there. Focus on books that are written by highly trained, evidence-based clinicians that can provide research and deep insight into the steps required to create/maintain a healthy relationship. Pay attention to books that focus on positive, actionable steps.
Personally, I find William Glasser’s work on Choice Theory to be extremely helpful. It builds on removing the concept of control in relationships and developing healthy skills such as acceptance, trust, and listening.
4. Create Time to Enjoy Together
Sometimes it just takes a greater commitment of time and energy on the relationship. Rather than doing therapy, start creating more time together. This may be structured like eating dinner and going on dates, or unstructured such as simply hanging out on the couch together. Other activities may include going to church, exercising together, shared hobbies, or whatever seems appealing as long as it’s you two doing it together. Sometimes quality time spent together is all a couple needs to recapture the emotional connection and excitement in the relationship.